Letting Go: Managing Parent Anxiety When Your Child Starts School

Understanding Parent Anxiety at School Drop-Off

The first day of school marks the beginning of your child’s educational journey, a time of excitement and new opportunities. However, for some parents this milestone can also trigger anxiety. If you're feeling nervous, worried or even tearful about sending your little one off to school for the first time, you're not alone.

Parent separation anxiety is common when children start school and many parents experience stress. This can be worrying about everything from their child's safety and social interactions to whether they'll eat their lunch or miss home. This anxiety often stems from several factors including:

• Fear of losing control or not being there to protect your child
• Concerns about how your child will cope in a new environment
• Worry about bullying or social rejection
• Grief over the end of a chapter in your child's early years
• Uncertainty about whether you've prepared them well enough.

These feelings can manifest as physical symptoms like racing heart, difficulty sleeping, constant worry or tearfulness that persists beyond the first few days.

Tips for Parents to Cope with School Separation Anxiety

Practice Self-Compassion

Acknowledge that what you're feeling is valid. The transition to school is significant, and it's okay to feel emotional about it. Be kind to yourself during this adjustment period.

Establish Your Own Routine

Fill the time your child is at school with activities that bring you purpose or joy. Whether it's work, hobbies, exercise or connecting with friends, having your own routine helps ease the transition.

Connect with Other Parents

Talk to other parents who are going through or have been through the same experience. Sharing your feelings can normalise them and provide practical strategies that worked for others. Many schools offer parent support groups or coffee mornings for this purpose.

Limit "What If" Thinking

Anxiety thrives on worst-case scenarios. When you catch yourself spiralling into "what if" thoughts, gently redirect your mind to the present moment or more realistic outcomes. Practice grounding techniques like deep breathing or the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory method.  

• Deep Breathing: Take a moment to focus on your breath. Inhale deeply for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four. This simple practice can help reduce stress and bring you back to the present moment.
• 5-4-3-2-1 Sensory Grounding: This technique is especially helpful when you feel overwhelmed. Focus on your surroundings and engage your senses:

1. Name 5 things you can see,
2. Identify 4 things you can touch,
3. Listen for 3 things you can hear,
4. Notice 2 things you can smell, and
5. Identify 1 thing you can taste.

Stay Busy During Drop-Off

Plan something positive immediately after school drop-off, whether it's a coffee with a friend, a walk or getting straight into work. This prevents dwelling on anxious thoughts and helps create a positive association with school mornings.

On the Day  

Keep Goodbyes Short and Positive

Long, emotional goodbyes can increase anxiety for both of you. Create a simple goodbye ritual, a hug, a special phrase like "Have a great day, see you at pickup!" and a confident departure. Avoid sneaking away, as this can create trust issues.

Validate Their Feelings

If your child is nervous, acknowledge their feelings while expressing confidence: "It's okay to feel a bit nervous about new things. You're going to have a wonderful time learning and making friends and I'll be right here to pick you up this afternoon."

Stay Calm and Confident

Children are incredibly perceptive and pick up on their parents' emotions. Even if you're feeling anxious inside, project calm confidence. Your child will take cues from your demeanour. If you appear worried, they may assume there's something to worry about.

When should I seek professional support for parent anxiety?  

While some nervousness during the first few weeks is normal, persistent and severe anxiety that interferes with your daily functioning may require professional support. Signs to look out for include:

• Constant, intrusive worry that disrupts your sleep or daily activities
• Physical symptoms like panic attacks, nausea, chest tightness or difficulty breathing
• Inability to concentrate on work or other responsibilities
• Intrusive thoughts about your child being harmed or something terrible happening
• Difficulty enjoying activities you used to love
• Anxiety that persists beyond the first 4-6 weeks of school
• Avoidance behaviours, such as calling the school multiple times daily
• Strained relationships with your partner or family due to anxiety.