Start with Self‑Love: A Compassionate Approach to Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day often brings a mix of emotions. For some, it’s a joyful celebration of love, while for others it can highlight feelings of loneliness, loss or frustration. Clinical Counsellor and Allied Health Manager at Kellyville Private Hospital, Marina Stankovic, has seen firsthand how emotionally challenging this time of year can be, particularly for people navigating mental health struggles. In this blog, Marina shares practical ways you can care for your heart this Valentine's Day. 

What remains true, regardless of relationship status, is that self‑love and self‑compassion are essential to emotional wellbeing. These practices aren’t just “nice to have”, they are foundational for healing, balance and building resilience.

Why Valentine’s Day Can Stir Up Complex Emotions

Valentine’s Day can bring up a wide range of emotions, especially when we are dealing with different personal circumstances. Whether you are celebrating love or struggling with feelings of loss or frustration, this day can amplify what we are already feeling. Some common challenges people face include:

• The Pressure of Perfection: Valentine’s Day can make us feel that love needs to be shown through grand gestures or elaborate gifts. This can amplify feelings of inadequacy, especially when our love life does not match the “perfect” image portrayed by society or on social media.
• Grief and Loss: For many, Valentine’s Day brings up painful memories for those grieving the loss of a loved one, whether through death, separation or a breakup. The emotional weight of loss can be especially sharp on a day meant to celebrate love.
• Relationship Pressures: Those in relationships may feel burdened by the expectations to make the day special, which can create strain rather than nurturing connection.
• Unmet Hopes: For those longing for love or feeling stuck in their romantic journey, Valentine’s Day can serve as a reminder of what is missing, causing frustration or self-doubt.
• Comparison: Social media and societal expectations often fuel unrealistic comparisons. Seeing others celebrate love with grand gestures can make us feel inadequate or like we are missing out, even if our lives are filled with meaningful connections in different forms. Valentine’s Day can highlight this disparity and lead to feelings of loneliness or self-judgment.

The Importance of Practising Self‑Love

Regardless of how you are feeling this Valentine’s Day, it is important to approach yourself with kindness and love. Here are some gentle ways to nurture your emotional well-being:

• Practice Self-Compassion: When emotions feel overwhelming, treat yourself with kindness. Rather than criticising yourself for feeling lonely or disappointed, acknowledge those feelings with understanding. Tell yourself, “It is okay to feel this way. I am doing my best.” Self-compassion helps reduce emotional pain and encourages healing.
• Show Yourself Love: This Valentine’s Day, take time for small, intentional acts of care that nurture your emotional well-being. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, a quiet walk, a favourite treat, or simply taking time to rest is enough.  These small, intentional acts of care remind you that you are worthy of kindness, especially from yourself.
• Embrace Self-Acceptance: Your worth is not defined by your relationship status or what others expect. Take a moment to reflect on the love you already have in your life, whether through family, friends or even your own growth. Self-acceptance allows you to embrace imperfections and find peace within them.

Practical Ways to Care for Your Heart This Valentine’s Day

Here are some practical tips to help you navigate the emotional challenges of Valentine’s Day:

• Set Realistic Expectations: Rather than trying to live up to an idealised version of Valentine’s Day, focus on what feels right for you. Whether that means celebrating with a loved one or spending time on your own, make it personal and authentic.
• Practice Gratitude: Take a moment to reflect on the positive relationships in your life, whether they are romantic or platonic. Gratitude helps shift focus from what is missing to what you already have.
• Engage in Acts of Kindness: If giving love feels hard, try giving it to someone else. Send a thoughtful message, buy a small gift for a friend or volunteer. These small gestures not only make others feel loved but can also increase your own sense of connection and joy.
• Unplug and Disconnect: If social media or comparisons are weighing you down, take a break. The highlight reels we see online are not the full picture. Instead, take time to do something that nurtures your mental health, whether it is journaling, reading or simply being outside. 

When to Reach Out for Support

If Valentine’s Day feels especially tough, remember that it is okay to reach out for support. Whether through talking to a friend, family member or a mental health professional, expressing your feelings can be a powerful way to release emotional weight.